Social Media: I Love You, But You’re Bringing Me Down

One of the simplest words in the English language: like. Characterized by general approval, used in conversations countless times every day, and relatively insignificant. But there’s an additional layer of meaning for younger generations: liking something on social media. Anyone can become a Roman judge in the Colosseum, and in an instant, impulsively choose to like, dislike, or completely ignore something. Usually, that something is very personal to the individual who shared it. A well-liked post could strangely validate someone, or let someone down more than they’d like to admit. As much as we may not want to acknowledge it, those ‘likes’ have implications for those on the receiving end. But how did we get here?

Perfection infection

It has always been human nature to strive for perfection. From Ancient Greek imagery of the Olympics, to Norman Rockwell’s portrayal of the perfect family life. Our next generations look somewhere new, to social media, for that portrait of perfection. Images of people balancing everything – finding love, having a family, friendships, traveling the world, kids, pets, going out to eat, all manner of entertainment – this onslaught of everyone else’s apparent success can be a lot to live up to.

The unspoken expectation to publicly document one’s life and submit for approval is unique in this digital age. This culture of impossibly high standards seeps into the user’s subconscious, and for better or worse, informs decisions on parenting. Is there an invisible parents police, ready to spring if your child’s hair isn’t combed properly? Of course not. But seeing that photo of the mom or dad who has it together is enough to convince most parents that the standard exists. Quite simply, these pressures are just one more thing today’s parents face that earlier generations didn’t.

I’ll do me, you do you

Generation Y and Millennials can be somewhat defensive over their parenting choices due to the judgmental nature of feedback on social media. Constantly needing to prove and justify why a decision was made is exhausting. From simple stances on screen time to the best approach to child care and even vaccinations, everyone’s a critic. Unsurprisingly, there is a growing popularity of rebellion against this perfection and those who always feel a need to give an opinion.

The image of the realistic, edgy parent seems to resonate with millions of today’s parents. Sites like Scary Mommy, Cat and Nat, and the Dad Break, just to name a few, are wildly successful. Why? They provide much-needed comic relief and encouragement. The harsh realities and colorful language aren’t very relatable to older generations of parents, and feed into a growing gap between parenting attitudes.

Channel your inner Mr. Rogers

How do we reconcile these different philosophies and begin to close the gap? Judgment may be fostered by the culture of social media, but a little understanding goes a long way. The internet can also be a place to come together and support each other. Growing up, Mr. Roger’s Neighborhood was a completely distinctive television program. It wasn’t flashy or frivolous, but instead conveyed a simple message of love and encouragement.  At the end of the show, Mr. Rogers would say: “You’ve made this day a special day, by just your being you. There’s no person in the whole world like you, and I like you just the way you are.” This timeless lesson is even more relevant today.

So what? Now what?

As a mom of two young daughters, I feel the constant need to be the mom who “does it all” with apparent ease. The psychology of social media has played a significant part in this standard, and it has forced me to think about how this affects my parenting. For me, Facebook and Instagram have become a way of sharing a snapshot in time with others. I’ve found that keeping personal posts a little more casual helps to lessen the pressure.

It’s also helpful for me to go into certain activities knowing I don’t intend to share them. A few weeks ago, it was the perfect winter day for sledding. My oldest daughter was thrilled the moment we pulled out her snow pants and boots, and we headed to Fireman’s Park. My youngest daughter was just happy to play with her sunglasses. It was one of those great days in parenting, seeing them have so much fun tromping around in the snow. My husband pulled out the Polaroid camera – a new camera that spits out instant photos. He snapped a few, and they are just for us. They are beautiful records of everyday occurrences: bath time, dinner, and sisterly battles.

I still post pictures of our family, but not as diligently as I once did. Everyone’s solution to this cultural phenomenon may look different, but I think there’s one thing most of us can agree on: if we can learn to offer ourselves in empathy, rather than look for imperfections or count the ‘likes’ we collect, we will have helped set a better example for the next generation.

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Original Post by Melissa Yelle on 3/27/2019.